|
.
Most
people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Let's
begin by taking a look at that before going any further. Even though it always
seems and is horribly unfair to any victim of infidelity, there are always two
sides to every story.
The person who cheats doesn't easily fit into a single mould. There are those
who will cheat once and never repeat the mistake. Some will continue the
practice until they feel satiated. Others make a lifestyle out of being
unfaithful. If you are considering how to handle a cheating partner, you must
first decide how likely it is that they will repeat the same behaviour over
again.
The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when
one cheats is situations where the Cheater confesses. People who admit to
cheating without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat
their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their
unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it's because they were completely
frustrated with their life.
Regardless of the cause, Frustration is a powerful emotion that can cause
people to seek escape. Some will escape by abandoning a relationship or family,
others will escape by cheating and many just become abusive because they do not
know how to handle what they're feeling. These are all bad choices brought on
by the sensation that they have become boxed in to a situation that constantly
frustrates them. Although unfortunate, sometimes the act of cheating brought on
by frustration is a catalyst for both parties to come together in a productive
way that wasn't previously possible.
The worst-case scenario for reconciliation involves people who cheat for
selfish reasons. Although they may justify their actions with psychobabble,
habitual Cheaters will emotionally destroy many partners, break families apart
and go through a large number of relationships before they stop or simply run
out of steam. These are nightmare partners that everyone should take extra
caution to avoid. Unfortunately, they also tend to be extremely effective at
deception and appear very desirable. Not surprisingly, these people are the
hardest for cheating victims to walk away from.
The foremost consideration anyone who has been burned by cheating has to think
about is the desire of the person who betrayed him or her for reconciliation.
You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be
sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can
account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself
that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight
on to yourself.
It is important to be sure, you can live with their betrayal of your
relationship before you go further. No one expects you to forget, but you have
to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious
circle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you
have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner
understands the kind of damage they have or could have done.
It's easy to believe that a Cheater cheats himself or herself more then anyone
else in terms of losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship.
However, many Cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it's innocent
children who end in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally
destroyed, some one beside them often pays for what a Cheater does.
If you can move past forgiveness and making sure the Cheater understands how
devastating their act was, it's time for some serious work to begin on mending
the relationship. It's like going back to square one. You have to be sure the
conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from
your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to
be out of the picture. No friendship, once in a while meet ups or anything.
Apart from staring at Internet porn or getting the seven-year itch for greener
grass in the neighbour’s yard, the root cause of the problem has to be
discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things will never be the same between
yourself and your partner again. You have to find common ground, strengthen the
love that remains and support one another in every way possible.
|