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The ones who suffer the most in divorce are the children of the couple divorcing. Divorce is a total family affair.
Carefully consider the repercussions that divorce will haveon your child or children. They feel lost and insecure when
parents divorce, and older children suffer just as much as the younger ones. Many children blame themselves for
divorce. It is the responsibility of each parent to make the transition as easy as possible.

One of the best things that you can do for your children is to avoid fighting in front of them, particularly about
issues which directly relate to the divorce, such as childsupport, custody and other related topics. This will only
exacerbate the problems that they may have to face in the area of adjustment, and typically forces them to feel as
though they need to take "sides" in the divorce.

And never use your children as a pawn in the fight againstyour spouse. Children suffer irredeemable damage when they
have to listen to a parent being constantly criticized.When the criticism is by the other parent, it is very hard
for the child to reconcile these two realities.Children are frequently used in custody battles, especially when one
spouse wants to hurt the other. It is difficult to believe that a parent loves a child when the parent is able to
inflict that kind of pain on the child.

Communication is not always at its best during divorce proceedings, or even after the fact. You must remember,
however, that our children are neither messengers nor spies. If you have something to discuss with the other
parent, then make direct contact, and keep it civil. Inspite of how you may feel about the person, this is also
the children's parent, and they still love that parent,just as they love you.

The change that divorce brings to a child's life is majorand dramatic. Parents have to try to keep other changes
at a minimum so the child can adjust gradually to this new life. Try to avoid changing residence or schools, at least
for a while. If you are the parent who has to move out of the residence, remember to remind your child(ren) that you
are still the parent and will always be there for them. Try to maintain stability in the parts of their lives that have
not been touched by divorce. Making sure you keep up with child support is another important aspect of divorce. Their
lives have been significantly affected by the divorce; to force them to live in a lower life style now is unfair.

Working with your ex-spouse to ensure that a common philosophy of discipline is consistent between the two
households is essential to maintaining your children's stability and security. Looking forward to going to "dad's
house" because he gives them everything that they want without appropriate punishments, when necessary, rather
than staying at "mom's house," where discipline is enforced is one scenario that you should avoid creating for your
children.

A common problem, but one that should be avoided at all costs, is to criticize and ridicule your ex spouse in front
of your children. You have to remember that kids always feel torn between their mom and their dad in the case of
divorce, and now, to hear bad things about either one of them makes their pain, loss and guilt even worse.No matter
how angry you get with your spouse, don't use your children as a sounding board for your negative feelings. Children
always have to see their parents as pillars of strength they can rely on; don't destroy this pillar for your child.