If your lover dons a costume, and seduces you, it's like making love to a stranger. Is that adultery? Are these kinds of fantasies healthy? I have actually heard women say "I will not wear a costume, I don't want him thinking of someone else when he makes love to me".

Ok, granted, if you are role-playing, and you are pretending to be someone else, and the costume transforms your appearance enough, then maybe, I can see some reason for concern. After all, isn't your mate supposed to love you, and only you? If so, why does he or she need to pretend I am someone, other than, who I am? Hmm, in a perfect world... sure.

I have always said love and sex are like chocolate, and peanut butter, both are good by themselves, but when mixed together, they are at their best. You can have love without sex, and you can have sex without love. But, sex with someone you love is best.

The human animal is not always monogamous. Other animals throughout the animal kingdom are also known to be non-monogamous. In the book "The Myth of Monogamy" written by David Barash, a University of Washington zoologist and professor of psychology, and Judith Lipton, a Seattle psychiatrist, suggest that it is natural for us to "cheat" and that monogamy is something we have to work at. Barash said numerous recent studies have shown that many animals and birds, such as eagles, geese, beavers and gibbons, previously believed to be faithfully monogamous, aren't.

In fact, there are creatures that choose a single mate for life, even though they continue to mate or "fool around" with others. We assume that infidelity is most often committed by males. Male animals, like apes and lions, have harems. Mankind too, has had harems in it's past. Men having multiple lovers has been an acceptable practise among many cultures. However, studies of the wild kingdom have shown that most often it is the female that takes multiple mates. They just tend to be a little craftier at it. This is a survival method used by the female to insure that at least some of her offspring are from a quality male, while providing security for herself and her brood. We, as humans, do not need this tactic to insure our survival.

Barash and Lipton say that males tend to be opportunistic and have sex out of marriage because it is available and pleasurable. For women it is a way of obtaining something better than their mate, someone who may be richer, more handsome or more powerful.

It is not their purpose, nor mine, to condone infidelity. I think as humans we can overcome pure carnal animal behaviours. That said, I also don't condemn those that practise open or swinger lifestyles, it is being shown to be natural. I believe you and your mate have to make the decision of monogamy or not.

Yet, we still have natural tendencies to commit adultery. We have to work at a monogamous happy relationship. Just as we have to work at playing the guitar. Learning to play the guitar would take commitment, and practice. Some of us will learn, some will give it up. Monogamy is not natural, and requires effort to achieve. I believe that role-playing with, or without costumes, help us do just that. Costumes, or lingerie, are just a way to enhance the experience. Let's face it, the human mind, if not the body, is still going to roam. We will fantasize about the girl or guy we met in an elevator, or work with. We will close our eyes and envision a past lover that was particularly good. We will make love to our mates and make believe they are our favourite movie star or rock star. Fantasy is normal. Our minds are capable of creating whole worlds for us to explore. We can't stop that.

Why not provide a release for our fantasies and natural tendency to "cheat"? Why not heighten the passion and sexual gratification, by fulfilling a portion of our lover’s fantasies? If we make ourselves the centre of those needs, desires, and fantasies, we are not providing a method to maintain monogamy?

If my lover were to dress up like a prostitute, and be seductive, play the role, so that I paid her for sex, and made passionate love to her. I could have a fantasy fulfilled. She too may have had a fantasy fulfilled at the same time. We no longer have a need to pursue that fantasy outside of our relationship.

Pretending to be someone else is fun. Pretending you are someone else, with someone you love, is exciting. Excitement is passion. Passionate sex, is great sex. Great sex facilitates monogamy. If staying monogamous is your goal, and then role-playing with costumes can help facilitate that.

Some of you may think if you dress up in a costume and pretend to be someone else, then you are perpetuating the desire to cheat. I say, the desire to cheat is already there, even if it is subdued. Why not allow the desire to take place, and still be involved. Tell me you have never fantasized about sex with someone else. Tell me that you have a love life that can't use a little kick. Hey, I could be wrong.

I put forth that role playing with costumes perpetuates a healthy, active, and passionate sex life. If I am wrong, at least I'm having a heck of a good time.

Back to the top                   All our articles               Would you like to write for us?