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Being
in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily
mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage
requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a
team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the
reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage.
But,
before you jump right to the easy way out and decide on divorce, you should got
through the process of making sure that you have logically thought through
long-term implications of ending the loveless marriage.
Being
in a loveless marriage and deciding whether to get a divorce based on this one
fact alone is a misuse of an opportunity. Its not like deciding whether to stay
married due to an extramarital affair or other marriage problems like abuse or
living in a sexless marriage, choosing the right divorce decision when it comes
to a loveless marriage is a totally different situation.
The
opportunity is great to grow personally that is present when you're deciding
about divorce because of being in a loveless marriage. Let's take a look at
some of the items that are relevant to this situation regarding a loveless
marriage and how you can approach this time in your life from a mature
standpoint and come to the right choice while growing at the same time.
Loveless
marriage item 1: Define love as you see it and assess whether or not your
spouse agrees somewhat with you, at least in a complementary fashion.
For
a loveless marriage to be assessed properly, making sure your idea or
definition of love is "clear" is a solid way to make sure that you
know what you've lost. And, if your spouses idea of what love is differs from
yours so much that you both can't somewhat reap the benefits of love, you may
need counselling to get to the root issue of your loveless marriage.
Loveless
marriage item 2: Make sure that you are in fact out of love before you go
further with steps to divorce or try to work it out.
Ask
yourself, "Am I really out of love or am I giving up?” Keeping love alive
can take work and strong communication with yourself and spouse. List the
reasons why you think you're out of love and decide if those reasons prohibit a
rekindling of love, assuming you were actually in love at some point. Being in
a loveless marriage doesn't necessarily mean that it has to stay that way!
Loveless
marriage item 3: Decide if you were ever really in love as you define love.
Your
loveless marriage could have always been loveless; you may have just been to
distracted to notice. You may have received other benefits from being with your
spouse in the past that you aren’t getting now and that could be why you're
frustrated and living in a loveless marriage.
Of
course, if you were in fact in love with your spouse at one time in the past,
you both might not have done what needs to be done to keep love alive. Before
you do anything about your loveless marriage, make sure you understand how your
idea of love may have changed over time, and really contemplate if you were
really ever in love.
Loveless
marriage item 4: Assessing whether or not you need to be in love to stay
married and if so, can your love be re-kindled?
This
item regarding a loveless marriage is a crucial point in your decision making
process. Some people stay married even when they are in a loveless marriage
because the benefits they get from being married psychologically outweigh the
need for love. These benefits could many things and could stem from lack of
self-confidence, money, fear of loneliness, etc.
If
you're a person who needs love to stay married, make sure that you really think
about how rejuvenate the love in your loveless marriage before you decide on
divorce. If you're struggling regarding a decision about your loveless
marriage, it means that it is worth fighting for.
If
you really do soul searching and talk with your spouse openly about the lack of
zest in your marriage in the hopes of making it better, you may find that your
spouse feels the same way that you do!
Being
a loveless marriage can be a drain on your day-to-day energy if you need love
to stay happily married. If your marriage is worth it to you, be mature about
the situation and do all you can to rekindle the love before you do anything
else. If you do, you'll grow personally as will your spouse regardless whether
or not you get a divorce.
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About The Author
Karl Augustine Author, "A Practical
Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce". *A resource
recommended by marriage counsellors to their clients. http:www.deciding-on-divorce.com
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